Tone of voice

✅  Be empowering    ✅  Be challenging

Powering Potential is about helping people find answers and explore the pathways to success. Directly asking questions encourages your reader to think about their future differently and challenge the status quo.

To take your writing to the next level, think about how you could use questions to empower your reader. You might ask 'What if your dream job can be a reality?' or 'Will you be the researcher to discover how we prevent dementia?'.

Example 1 – Blog post for students (volunteering over Christmas)

	Volunteering is one activity you can take part in over Christmas. Not only will this give you a break from your studies, but it will keep you busy over the holidays and you might even make some new friends.
	Have you thought about volunteering over Christmas? Not only will this give you a break from your studies, but it will keep you busy over the holidays and you might even make some new friends.
	Could you make a difference as a volunteer this Christmas? Not only will this give you a break from your studies, but it will keep you busy over the holidays and you might even make some new friends.
	No plans this Christmas? Should you binge watch films or support someone in need? Volunteering will give you a break from your studies and keep you busy over the holidays. You might even make some new friends.

Example 2 – Newsletter for staff

	As a result of collaboration with staff, students and partners, our new strategic plan has been developed. We are pleased to say that it is ready to launch, and we will release more information soon.
	Have you heard our new strategic plan is here? Developed with University staff, students and partners, it reflects our goals and vision for the future. Keep an eye out for news about the launch.
	You voiced your opinions. We listened. Our new strategic plan is here. Now it’s time to see how you fit in. What can you do to make our vision come to life? Keep an eye out for news about the launch.
	Offering opportunity. Building community. Embracing flexibility. Our new strategic plan is here. But where do you fit in? Will you change how you work to transform lives? Discover ways to power potential at the launch.

✅  Be collaborative

A vital part of Powering Potential is working together. This should be reflected in everything we write. The best way to achieve this is balancing 'you' and 'we'. And especially 'you'.

We want to tell people how we can support them. But we don’t want to talk about ourselves too much. By addressing readers directly, you’ll help create a connection and a sense of being involved.

Example – Alumni comms brochure

	The University of Hertfordshire has a global alumni community with 240,000 graduates worldwide. Graduates are always supported with the next exciting stage of their journey. They kick-start careers, stay connected to the University and keep in touch with classmates.
	We have a global alumni community with 240,000 University of Hertfordshire graduates worldwide. We support graduates with the next exciting stage of their journey – helping our alumni kick-start careers, stay connected to the University and keep in touch with classmates.
	We’re delighted to welcome you as a member of our global alumni community, joining over 240,000 alumni worldwide. We’ll support the next exciting stage of your journey – helping kick-start your career, stay connected to the University and keep in touch with classmates.
	We’re delighted to welcome you as a member of our global alumni community, joining over 240,000 alumni worldwide. We’ll support the next exciting stage of your journey – helping kick-start your career, stay connected to the University and keep in touch with classmates.

✅  Be ambitious

Our support helps people take action on their ambitions, whether this is securing a role in a certain field or publishing a paper on an important topic. We can heighten the sense of action by using verbs more effectively.

Verbs = action
Nouns = labels

Verbs reflect action. But we often turn these into nouns which don’t have as much impact. The good thing is that these ‘smothered verbs’ are easy to spot:

Noun ➡️ Verb

Performance ➡️ Perform

Expectation ➡️ Expect

Decision ➡️ Decide

Management ➡️ Manage.

Top tip – Look out for longer words ending in: ion, ance, ence, ment.

	Our expectation is you have a 2:1 degree in a relevant subject.
	We expect you to have a 2:1 degree in a relevant subject.
	We’ll make a decision about who wins the funding.
	We’ll decide who wins the funding.

✅  Be confident

Confident writing has the power to reassure, inform and persuade. Not getting to the point quickly enough takes attention away from your message.

All of our communications should be clear. It’s important to not to over-complicate our writing with academic jargon or confuse our audience with unnecessary waffle.

Wondering what waffle to watch out for? We’ve identified five varieties:

a) Repetition
	If you have any questions or queries, do not hesitate to call us.
	Please give us a call if you have any questions.

b) Redundancy – adds nothing
	From past experience we know that…
	From experience we know that…

c) Long-windedness
	It would appear that the student survey showed…
	The student survey showed…

d) Old fashioned language
	Whilst you study here, you’ll explore the work of aforementioned academics.
	While you study here, you’ll explore the work of academics.

e) Unnecessary words
	It is quite likely that you will discover it very easy to find your way around the campus.
	You’ll discover it’s easy to find your way around campus.

✅  Be energising

Too many long sentences (over 20 words) bury your message. Worse still, the reader may lose interest. When we talk, we naturally vary our sentence length and you should aim to do this when you write too.

Varying the sentence length adds rhythm which keeps your reader engaged. If you’re a more confident writer, we challenge you to experiment with really short sentences to add power.

Example – new student web page

	If you’re joining us in September, we want to say well done on getting this far as your journey to life at Herts is just beginning. If you’ve been contacted by us to say that your joining instructions are now available to view, log in via our joining instructions portal using your student login number to find out more about what to do when you arrive.
	If you’re joining us in September, we want to say well done on getting this far. Your journey to life at Herts is just beginning. If you’ve been contacted to say that your joining instructions are ready to view, log in via our joining instructions portal using your student login number to find out more about what to do when you arrive.
	It’s great to hear you’re joining us in September. We want to say well done on getting this far. Your journey to life at Herts is just beginning. If we’ve contacted you to say your joining instructions are ready to view, log in via our joining instructions portal. Use your student login number to find out more about what to do when you arrive.
	Joining us in September? Well done on getting this far. Your journey to life at Herts is just beginning. If we’ve contacted you to say your joining instructions are ready to view, log in via our joining instructions portal. Here we’ll explain what to do when you arrive. Remember, you’ll need your student number to log in.

✅  Be irreverent

Writing that challenges readers’ opinion, behaviour or mindset is engaging. It helps draw them into your story too. Whether you’re discussing the impact of our research or introducing a new green initiative on campus.

When talking to an undergraduate audience we can even be irreverent. Prospective students are swamped with similar messages about success, careers and courses, so we need to show how Powering Potential differentiates us.

Headlines are a great opportunity to experiment with a more irreverent tone. It can also make our writing sound less formal which is great when we’re talking to an undergraduate audience.

	Stand out from the crowd.
	Say whatever to ordinary.
	Reach your ambitions.
	I'm the boss of my own ambition.

✅  Be transformative

When you’re writing, avoid long lists of features. Instead you should try to explain the benefits to the reader. This is important whether you’re emailing an agenda for an event like an open day or telling local businesses about the facilities we offer.

In this course description example, you can see how adding benefits makes the writing more engaging and helps the reader understand how the equipment will support their learning.

	Studying our MEng Aerospace Engineering, you’ll have the opportunity to explore the theory behind engineering and use state-of-the-art equipment.
	Studying our MEng Aerospace Engineering, you’ll explore the theory behind engineering and use top equipment including our flight simulator and wind tunnels.
	Studying our MEng Aerospace Engineering, you’ll learn in our flight simulator and see how wind tunnels replicate an object flying through the air.
	Studying our MEng Aerospace Engineering, you’ll put your skills to the test in our flight simulator and discover how different aircraft fly in our wind tunnels.

✅  Be confident

Think about your readers’ next steps. What do you want them to do? It might be something as simple as entering their email for a newsletter sign-up, or even a bigger ask like applying for a course.

By including a call to action, your writing sounds more confident. In some situations, adding specific detail about what we’ll do next can make us sound more approachable too.

	We hope you’ll be joining us for our Open Day in January. We’ll put more information on our website soon.
	Joining us on 9 January for our Open Day? Simply fill out your details below and we’ll send you everything you need to know a week before.
	Destination  un known – clearing now open for applications.
	Destination  un known – call our clearing team on 0300 303 6300.

✅  Be energising

Spotted the green squiggly line in Word? Don’t be tempted to hit ignore. When it asks you to ‘consider revising’, you may be using what’s called the passive voice. Good writers dislike the passive voice for two reasons:

a) Bad for flow

If a sentence is in the passive voice the action goes from right to left. But in the active voice the flow goes from left to right – which is the direction we read in. So active writing has better flow and carries readers along more fluently.

	Passive (bad direction of flow) The research on the damaging effects of the internet was carried out by academics.
	Active (good direction of flow) The academics carried out research on the damaging effects of the internet.

b) Causes confusion about who has done what

In the passive voice, it’s hard to tell who did what and why. Whereas in the active version, the subject is upfront, and the rest of the sentence explains their actions.

	Passive Money was generously donated to fund projects by the alumni.
	Active Alumni generously donated money to fund projects.

✅  Be approachable

Readability measures how easy it is to read your writing. The concept has become increasingly popular as it gives writers the chance to check the clarity of their document.

Microsoft Word measures readability using the Flesch Kincaid Grade Level. The score is given as a grade level which refers to American school years (Grade Six = 11 year-old, Grade 12 = 17 year-old).

Readability in perspective:

• The Origin of Species, Charles Darwin – 12
• The Economist – 9
• The Sun – 6
• Harry Potter and The Philosopher’s Stone – 5.43.

To measure readability in Word (Windows):

1. Click File
2. Go to Options
3. Find Proofing and Reviewing
4. Find Spelling and Grammar
5. Check ‘show readability scores’ box.

We think The Economist is a good reference for the level of complexity we want to achieve. Anything over 12 tends to be a harder read.