Tone of voice

Personality traits: drive, openness

The University exists to power people – our staff, students and society – to make an impact. Directly asking questions encourages your reader to think about themselves as part of that collaborative force, working together to power potential and achievement. It can also help them to think about their own ambitions to be more driven and dynamic in their approach to achieving them.

Example – Newsletter for staff

	Instead of: As a result of collaboration with staff, students and partners, our new strategic plan has been developed. We are pleased to say that it is ready to launch, and we will release more information soon.
	Try: Driving opportunities. Empowering our community. Making an impact. Our new strategic plan is here. But where do you fit in? What can you do to help drive potential and achievement at Herts? Find out at the launch.

Personality traits: openness, dynamism

Collaboration is key to us achieving positive outcomes, and the best way to work together is with warmth, passion and authenticity. We achieve this in our writing by balancing 'you' and 'we'. Using ‘you’ feels more personal, puts our people at the heart of what we do and can energise them into taking action. While ‘we’ is also necessary to develop that two-way conversation, use it sparingly as too much can feel too self-focused. By addressing readers directly, you’ll help create a connection and a sense of being valued.

Example – Alumni comms brochure

	Instead of: The University of Hertfordshire has a global alumni community with 240,000 graduates worldwide. We also support our graduates with the next exciting stage of their journey. We kick-start their careers, make sure they stay connected to the University and we keep them touch with their classmates.
	Try: We’re delighted to welcome you as a member of our global alumni community, joining over 240,000 alumni worldwide. We’ll support the next exciting stage of your journey – helping you to kick-start your career, stay connected to the University to discover many new opportunities and keep in touch with your classmates.

Personality trait: drive, dynamism

We power people to make an impact. We can heighten this sense of action by using verbs effectively

We tend to turn verbs into nouns, which don’t have as much impact, but never fear, these ‘smothered verbs’ are easy to spot. Just look out for longer words ending in: ion, ance, ence, ment.

	Noun: Our expectation is that you have a 2:1 degree in a relevant subject.
	Verb: We expect you to have a 2:1 degree in a relevant subject.
	Noun: We’ll make a decision about who wins the funding.
	Verb: We’ll decide who wins the funding.

Personality trait: drive, openness

Academic jargon and unnecessary waffle always over-complicate writing and will raise a barrier to some people in digesting what you are trying to say. Language should be conversational – if you wouldn’t say it to your friends or peers when chatting, then don’t use it in your writing. It’s important to make your point quickly to reassure your reader and achieve maximum impact.

Here’s what to avoid:

a) Repetition
	Instead of: If you have any questions or queries, do not hesitate to call us.
	Try: Please give us a call if you have any questions.

b) Redundancy – adds nothing
	Instead of: From past experience we know that…
	Try: From experience we know that…

c) Long-windedness
	Instead of: It would appear that the student survey showed…
	Try: The student survey showed…

d) Old-fashioned language
	Instead of: Whilst you study here, you’ll explore the work of aforementioned academics.
	Try: While you study here, you’ll explore the work of academics.

e) Unnecessary words
	Instead of: It is quite likely that you will discover it very easy to find your way around the campus.
	Try: You’ll discover it’s easy to find your way around campus.

Personality traits: drive, dynamism

Lengthy, running sentences (over 20 words) steal impact from your message, and the reader may lose interest. Remember to vary sentence length when you write—just as you do when you’re speaking—to change the pace and keep your writing energised, focused, vibrant and authentic.

Example – new student web page

	Instead of: If you’re joining us in September, we want to say well done on getting this far as your journey to life at Herts is just beginning. If you’ve been contacted by us to say that your joining instructions are now available to view, log in via our joining instructions portal using your student login number to find out more about what to do when you arrive.
	Try: Joining us in September? Well done on getting this far! Your journey to life at Herts is just beginning. If we’ve contacted you to say your joining instructions are ready to view, log into our joining instructions portal to learn what to do when you arrive. Remember, you’ll need your student number to log in.

Personality traits: drive, dynamism, openness

Whether its curiosity, excitement or intrigue – a good headline should grab a reader’s attention and encourage them to take action, even if that’s just reading on. This is particularly important when your audience is swamped with similar messages. Make yours demonstrate that you understand them and their motivations by being specific and offering value.

Use ‘power’ words – such as ‘discover’, ‘harness’ and ‘unveil’ - to create a sense of urgency. Experimenting with a more audacious tone and style can also make our writing sound less formal and more energetic, fun and authentic. This is particularly powerful when we’re talking to an undergraduate audience.

However, avoid misleading statements, false claims, exaggerated narratives or just vague statements. Instead, keep things short, sweet and straightforward, and make sure that your header is descriptive, accurate and, importantly, genuinely reflects the contents of your article.

	Instead of: Volunteer at the start of term.
	Try: Help welcome our new students.
	Instead of: Undergraduate Open Days
	Try: Discover if Herts is the right place for you

Personality trait: drive

Think about what you want your readers to do next. Sign up for a newsletter by entering their email? Apply for a course? Read an article? By including a call to action, you’ll prompt readers to progress their ambitions.

	Instead of: We hope you’ll be joining us for our Open Day in January. We’ll put more information on our website soon.
	Try: Joining us on 9 January for our Open Day? Simply fill out your details below and we’ll send you everything you need to know a week before.

Personality trait: dynamism

Passive voice puts the virtual brakes on your writing by impeding the flow and causing confusion as to who is taking action. To correct passive voice and make your writing more energetic, try swapping the position of the subject and the action you are describing. Some tell-tale passive phrases include: ‘was done by’, ‘were read to’, ‘will be given to’.

	Passive voice: The research on the damaging effects of the internet was carried out by academics.
	Active voice: The academics carried out research on the damaging effects of the internet.
	Passive voice: Money was generously donated to fund projects by the alumni.
	Active voice: Our alumni generously donated £XXX to fund key projects.

Personality trait: openness

Readability measures how easy it is to read your writing and gives writers the chance to check the clarity of a document.

Microsoft Word measures readability using the Flesch Kincaid Grade Level. The score is given as a grade level which refers to American school years (Grade Six = 11 year-old, Grade 12 = 17 year-old).

Readability in perspective:

• The Origin of Species, Charles Darwin – 12
• The Economist – 9
• The Sun – 6
• Harry Potter and The Philosopher’s Stone – 5.43.

To measure readability in Word (Windows):

1. Click File > Options > Proofing and Reviewing > Spelling and Grammar
2. Check ‘show readability scores’ box.